• 2 years 8 months ago
    • Posts: 74809
    I have been discussing politics with my dad and both my parents are conservative republicans. We live in the US. But i'm an independent and whenever I breathe a breath of even the slightest defense of liberals my dad gets defensive and sort of yells at me. He watches Fox and never wants to shut up with his yelling and screaming, rhetoric at Obama. I consider myself neither conservative or liberal, but what can I say to him to avoid confrontation and tension. It's getting hard for me to shut up about my own opinions when my parents obviously watch the news every evening especially my dad. My mom can be more understanding. I seriously doubt my dad would give Obama a second thought or even do a generous deed for him. He yelled at me once the other day for me getting frustrated. So, why does he have a right to be angry and yell but I don't?
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      • 2 years 8 months ago
      • Posts: 410
      Sounds like you can't really change his opinion or even try to go against what he thinks my advice would be to let it go, don't discuss politics and when he has fox "news" on just try to find something else to do, no point in fighting with your dad over Obama or Mitt Romney most people are either more liberal or more conservative (not completely one way or the other but leaned to one side more so than the other) and it's nearly impossible to try and swing them to look at the other sides point of view. BTW he doesn't have the right to yell at you for voicing your opinion but sometimes thats how people argue (the I'm louder than you so i'm right approach) best of luck.
      "Good Nyborg "
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        • 2 years 8 months ago
        • Posts: 6992
        Sounds like playing the role of the faithful child is getting to you. But that's better than trying to win any "left vs. right" argument with your dad. I can't help but wonder how your dad would respond if you held back and took the "Joe Cool" approach, agreeing with him no matter how much you personally disagree. Playing down to him could be the shock that gets him to listen to you for a change.
        The Eldorado is dead. Long live the Eldorado.
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          • 2 years 8 months ago
          • Posts: 74809
          Me, I am not good at shutting up about it since it's always being talked about by my folks. I can try better though. I have no problem with my dad otherwise. And yes I still live with mom and dad at 20. I kind of feel guilty for throwing him under the bus.
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            • 2 years 8 months ago
            • Posts: 6992
            Have no guilt, its good to talk about stuff. And besides, very soon the conversation may hit a turning point and your opinion becomes very valuable to your dad. He'll be just as surprised as you.
            The Eldorado is dead. Long live the Eldorado.
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              • 2 years 8 months ago
              • Posts: 3807
              Definitely the words you use can help or hurt you. If you begin statements with, "I agree..." or "That's a valid opinion..." it can calm your opponent down. Definitely don't get into a yelling match about it. Keep talking more quietly. I guess just pretend you work in customer service and are listening to someone complain about your company. Play the Devil's Advocate a bit... instead of giving your opinion, ask leading questions like, "Well, would you feel that way in this scenario?" "What do you think about..." When you get people to question their opinions, you open up communication.

              And try to move out ASAP. At least the election will be over soon.
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                • 2 years 8 months ago
                • Posts: 74809
                :) I'm pushing every day to move out.

                Its just because I was raised in a conservative, very Catholic, Pro-life upbringing. I don't have to tick 100% of my parents belief boxes for them to accept me. It just is. They say I am allowed to disagree.
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                  • 2 years 8 months ago
                  • Posts: 4009
                  Tell daddy to stop watching biased Fox news and engage in a critical-logical discussion. Take a pencil and write down some of his arguments. Put them from ordinary language to deductive argument or standard form. Verify validity/soundness of premises and conclusion.
                  .. or put on a white gown, read "The Republic" and go Socratic on his ass.
                  o.0
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                    • 2 years 8 months ago
                    • Posts: 4571
                    I know how you feel, but on the other side. My parents still think the democratic party is like it was back in the 1960s. They are against 90% of what the democrats stand for (abortion, gay marriage....), but they still call themselves democrats because they "are for the poor".

                    It goes much further with my dad. My parents are underachievers and still think they can't control their destiny. My dad hardly ever listens to anything I say. He closed his mind off to new ideas a long time ago and has always had this "I'm the king of the caste" mindset. I sometimes feel like I'm wasting my time talking to him because when you have a discussion with him its really about you just hearing what he has to say. I've always had to fight him tooth and nail to listen to me. When I get angry about his behavior I always have to hear about him being an "old man" and I won't have to worry about him once he's dead.

                    They paid someone to install their TV on the wall even though I could have done it. After it was installed he refused to let me adjust the color settings telling me the guy at Best Buy told him the factory setting are best which is total bullshit. (Anyone that comes to my house is amazed at the picture on my TV.) The installer hooked their blu-ray up standard definition and it took an hour to convince him it was wrong. This is the same Geek Squad that wanted to change my mom $80 to fix her computer when I fix it in 5 minutes. Now when it suits him he wants me to program their remote, set his watch and do simple task he could do himself if he tried.

                    Other examples are as followed. Even though I service my own A/C he'll spend $100 + for a repair man to do it. They paid a plumber to install a couple of faucets and their new toilets even though I could have done it for them. I own my own home and have done these things myself several times. His answer is modular homes are different than a regular house (what ever). Their house was supposed to be leveled after Ike, but he refuses to do so. As a result they have cracks. He says its from the temperature change. :evil:

                    He's very paranoid about being screwed over, but has been ripped off several times by service people. He always worried about messing something up than can be fixed, but because he's been poor his whole life spending any extra money is a big deal to him. I'm willing to take risk in life, but he always chooses the safe route which is why he retired making $8 an hour. He gotten better at listening to me in the last couple of year, but he still annoys me with his close mindedness.

                    BTW I have gone weeks without talking to him over this stuff.

                    Now I feel a whole lot better getting that off my chest. :D

                    Hope it make you feel better about your dad too.
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                      • 2 years 8 months ago
                      • Posts: 3807
                      bassman21 wrote:
                      They paid someone to install their TV on the wall even though I could have done it. After it was installed he refused to let me adjust the color settings telling me the guy at Best Buy told him the factory setting are best which is total bullshit. (Anyone that comes to my house is amazed at the picture on my TV.) The installer hooked their blu-ray up standard definition and it took an hour to convince him it was wrong. This is the same Geek Squad that wanted to change my mom $80 to fix her computer when I fix it in 5 minutes. Now when it suits him he wants me to program their remote, set his watch and do simple task he could do himself if he tried.

                      Other examples are as followed. Even though I service my own A/C he'll spend $100 + for a repair man to do it. They paid a plumber to install a couple of faucets and their new toilets even though I could have done it for them. I own my own home and have done these things myself several times. His answer is modular homes are different than a regular house (what ever). Their house was supposed to be leveled after Ike, but he refuses to do so. As a result they have cracks. He says its from the temperature change. :evil:

                      He's very paranoid about being screwed over, but has been ripped off several times by service people. He always worried about messing something up than can be fixed, but because he's been poor his whole life spending any extra money is a big deal to him. I'm willing to take risk in life, but he always chooses the safe route which is why he retired making $8 an hour. He gotten better at listening to me in the last couple of year, but he still annoys me with his close mindedness.


                      I know these types. I am actually very surprised when it happens to poor people- it's more of a rich person mentality. They never learn to work with their hands and can't be bothered to do it themselves, so they hire someone to do the most mundane things. My friends (who are Jewish and always whine about never having enough money even though they make more than most people in our circle) hired people to paint their new condo. Really? You can't even learn to paint? Thank God my husband was there to stop them from hanging a punching bag from the ceiling where the heating ducts were. *facepalm*

                      I completely understand being ignorant of how to do things, especially when it comes to home ownership, but it's a learning curve and eventually you have to stop covering your eyes and ears to certain things and become knowledgeable to protect yourself.

                      It sounds like your parents are very insecure with their abilities, which I find is the case with many people who live in poverty (unlike the rich who are often overconfident in what they have to offer.) It's a sad fact because many of them are very capable of learning these skills that will help them save money. I know that my self-esteem has definitely gotten lower over the last few years... I take every obstacle that is thrown at me as a personal attack. I used to not feel this way- but now I'm like an abused dog, with my tail between my legs. Right now I am making plans to go back to school for a different career and I feel like I am giving up on life.

                      But sometimes people are less interested in practical knowledge and more interested in pursuing intellectual or emotional goals. And that comes down to personality, really. As long as they have a good son like you to help them out, they shouldn't have to worry. Hopefully they will at least start coming to you instead of going right to someone who will charge them.
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