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- 4 years 8 months ago
- Posts: 709
BLENDER - THE 50 WORST ARTISTS IN MUSIC HISTORY
(PRINTED NOVEMBER 2003)
(The top ten are listed here for space reasons)
10
AIR SUPPLY
The sound of eunuchs sobbing
Disproving the theory that lightning never strikes twice in the same place, Air Supply contained not one but two mewling lovesick softies whose name was Russell (Graham Russell and Russell Hitchcock). In the early '80s, the Australian duo's gutless ballads -- music so remorsely fey it made Journey sound like Danzig -- sent a generation of jilted lovers toppling into depression that was as clinical as the Russells' music. Mercifully, though, by the end of the decade, the pair had cried themselves to sleep.
Appalling fact Determined to ruin the festive season, Air Supply once recorded a Christmas album.
Worst CDThe Christmas Album (Arista, 1987)
9
LEE GREENWOOD
Gives patriotism a bad name
"Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel," Samuel Johnson said, but in Lee Greenwood's case, it's the ultimate meal ticket for a Nashville hack. A bland balladeer with a weakness for overwrought sentimentality, he wrote the 1984 tune "God Bless the U.S.A." in response to the Soviet downing of a South Korean airliner. It became a campaign theme for George H. W. Bush and was recently excavated in torturous fashion by the American Idol 2 cast during the war in Iraq.
Appalling fact Greenwood performed a duet with LaToya Jackson on her dreadful 1994 album, From Nashville to You.
Worst CDYou've Got a Good Love Comin' (MCA, 1985)
8
VANILLA ICE
The white boy to end all white boys
You know that yearbook photograph you won't let anyone see? The one whose very existence keeps you awake shaking at night? Imagine it was a horribly dated number 1 single from 1990 called "Ice, Ice Baby" and you have an idea what life is like for Robert Van Winkle. It doesn't stop there: Ice starred in the abysmal 1991 Hollywood vehicle Cool as Ice, and after squandering his quick fortune, mounted an unsuccessful comeback in 1998 as (shudder) a rap-rocker.
Appalling fact Widely denounced by hip-hop fans as a phony, Ice rebuffed his detractors at the 1991 American Music Awards: "Kiss my white a**!"
Worst CDHard to Swallow (Republic, 1998)
7
ASIA
Ridiculous album sleeves, virtuoso playing, soulless rock. It can be only one band
Asia's music turned out to be exactly the sum of its parts: former technicians from King Crimson, Emerson, Lake & Palmer and Yes who got together with an erstwhile Buggle at the start of the '80s. It promised the most self-important prog-rock melded with the limp-wristed worst of AOR, and it delivered. The band's self-titled debut sold more than 4 million copies, which only encouraged them.
Appalling fact To this day, keyboardist Geoff Downes is happy to offer Asia's mission statement: "To play music that is panoramic, symphonic and rock at the same time."
Worst CDAstra (Geffen, 1985)
6
KANSAS
Beware all bands named after states or continents!
Their folksy 1977 hit "Dust in the Wind," a tractor-sized fiddle player and a guitarist in bib overalls suggested pioneer-spirited rural rockers. The truth was far more sinister. Bereft of sex and emotion, Kansas's music was a noxious fusion of Jethro Tull and Yes, appealing only to male sci-fi bores and guaranteed to drive any self-respecting frontiersman headlong into the nearest bear trap.
Appalling fact A feature of their live shows was roadie T. Rat, who would come onstage in a trench coat, top hat and clown mask. Then he would disrobe and dance b**t-n***d.
Worst CDPoint of Know Return (Kirshner, 1977)
5
STARSHIP
They built this city on rock 'n roll. And crap!
In 1985, Starship rose like a phoenix from the ashes of once-mighty psychedelic overlords Jefferson Airplane/Starship, but only if, by phoenix, you mean "ultra-lame, MTV-pandering purveyors of MOR schlock." Best remembered for "We Built This City," they were also responsible for unleashing the Diane Warren-penned "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now," a song bad enough to appear on the soundtrack of the diabolical Andrew McCarthy "comedy" Mannequin. And its sequel!
Appalling fact Singer Grace Slick later disavowed "Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now," claiming in an interview, "I know darn well how fast a relationship can fall apart."
Worst CDLove Among the Cannibals (RCA, 1989)
4
KENNY G
This guy really blows!
Hated equally by jazz and rock fans, Kenny Gorelick's limpid instrumentals and obsequious cameos helped turn the soprano sax solo into pop music's most feared cliche. He started his career with fusion hack Jeff Lorber, and his 1986 album, Duotones, established a steady market for anodyne, minimal background music, an aesthetic that reached its zenith in 1997 when "the G" set a world record by holding a single note for 45 minutes.
Appalling fact He graduated magna cum laude from the University of Washington with a degree in accounting.
Worst CDClassics in the Key of G (Arista, 1999)
3
MICHAEL BOLTON
Otis Redding died for this?
With his curly locks and toned abs, the former Michael Bolotin looked nothing so much as the hero of a cheap bodice-ripper, which was enough to earn him a fervent audience for his over-emoted late '80s power ballads. Unfortunately, his greatest desire was to sing R&B oldies, which he went through like Sherman through Georgia.
Appalling fact After losing a plagiarism suit to the Isley Brothers, Bolton tried to avoid paying them royalties by buying their publishing house.
Worst CDTimeless: The Classics (Columbia, 1992)
2
EMERSON, LAKE & PALMER
Welcome back, my friends, to the second-worst band in history!
"Boasting" former members of the Nice, King Crimson and -- yes! -- Atomic Rooster, the less-than-super '70s supergroup ELP shunned blues-based rock in favor of bombastically reinterpreted classical works -- with bewilderingly successful results. A nightmarish enough proposition on record, the Brit trio's live shows were peppered by interminable solo spots, including a 20-minute drum workout by Carl Palmer that ended with him ringing a cowbell held between his teeth.
Appalling fact Singer-bassist Greg Lake performed on a $10,000 Persian rug that roadies vacuumed before every show.
Worst CDLove Beach (Atlantic, 1978)
THE WORST BAND EVER!
1
INSANE CLOWN POSSE
They sound even stupider than they look
Two trailer-trash types who wear face paint, pretend to be a street gang and drench cult devotees in cheap soda called Faygo, Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope are more notorious for their beef with Eminem (who pistol-whipped an ICP homey in 2001) than their ham-fisted rap-rock music. They claim that a "dark carnival" visited them one night, prophesied impending apocalypse and made them its messengers. Between this circus gospel, they find plenty of time to rap about 40-ouncers and venereal disease.
Appalling fact While appearing on The Howard Stern Show in 1999, Shaggy 2 Dope told Sharon Osbourne to "buff my pickle." She declined.
Worst CDThe Wraith: Shangri-la (D3, 2002)
~Ben"I am such a purist for old information on anything '70s and '80s."Are you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No 
- 4 years 8 months ago
- Posts: 9805
How did Ashley Simpson and Milli Vanilli not make the list? 
There is a battle between two wolves inside us all.
One is evil and the other one is good. Which wolf will win? The one you feed the most.
http://unbelievableyou.com/a-native-american-cherokee-story-two-wolves/Are you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No - 4 years 8 months ago
- Posts: 728
- Account Disabled
I don't really see how Grace Slick now seeing the error of her ways for taking part in Starship is an appaling fact. If they really wanted to print an appaling fact they should have mentioned how Starship broke up (before Mickey Thomas revived the band as a county fair appearnces band with no other original members) because of a fight between Mickey and drummer Donny Baldwin. Donny apparentley hit Mickey so hard Mickey had damage to his skull and had to undergo major surgery.
Grace Slick bailed from Starship in '87 to join the reunited Jefferson Airplane for an album and tour.
I hate Asia but I think Steve Howe is an excellent guitar player, he's done some amazing guitar work while in Yes. Those first few Asia album covers are very good, I agree. They're by Roger Dean who also did alot of Yes' album covers and their band logo.
I can't stand most ELP stuff but King Crimson are excellent and Atomic Rooster made a really good album after Carl Palmer left called Death Walks Behind You.Are you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No - 4 years 8 months ago
- Posts: 709
From 50-11, there is also:
50. Iron Butterfly
Appalling factIn-a-Gadda-da-Vida was the first LP ever to be certified Platinum.
49. Toad the Wet Sprocket
Appalling fact Toad decided to have another go in 2003, playing dates with the Counting Crows. Run.
48. Master P
Appalling fact Master P had a Ferrari custom-painted in a Gucci logo pattern.
47. Goo Goo Dolls
46. The Spin Doctors
Appalling fact The Doctors got together while they were students at New York's New School of Jazz.
45. Gipsy Kings
Appalling fact Well-known "groover" George H. W. Bush was so fond of the Gipsy Kings that he asked them to perform at his inaugural presidential ball. For some reason, they declined.
44. Manowar
Appalling fact Russian youth voted Manowar above the Beatles and Michael Jackson as the act they would most like to see perform live.
43. Mike & the Mechanics
Appalling fact Against significant odds, there is a Mike & the Mechanics tribute band, the Living Years.
42. Rick Wakeman
Appalling fact While playing Yes songs live, Wakeman would wolf down curry during sections in which he had little to do.
41. Whitesnake
40. Blind Melon
39. Bob Geldof
Appalling fact One recent Geldof song, "10:15," features the line "She told me I was beautiful/And I made her come a lot."
38. Nelson
Appalling fact Had their father not kicked them off his plane, Matthew and Gunnar would have perished in the crash that killed him.
37. The Doors
Appalling fact [Jim] Morrison is widely believed to have suffered his fatal heart attack while masturbating in the bathtub.
36. 98 Degrees
Appalling fact Buy the official 98 Degrees board game and find out which band member once autographed a diaper!
35. Paul Oakenfold
Appalling fact Perry Farrell, Tricky, Ice Cube and Nelly Furtado all lined up to contribute to Bunkka. Presumably without hearing the music first.
34. Live
Appalling fact The album title Secret Samadhi derives from a form of Hindu meditation.
33. Japan
Appalling fact Their cover of Smokey Robinson & the Miracles' "I Second That Emotion" might be the worst Motown cover of all time.
32. The Hooters
31. Arrested Development
30. Richard Marx
Appalling fact Before his brief burst of stardom, Marx honed his painfully bland art as a backing singer for Lionel Richie.
29. Skinny Puppy
Appalling fact On the Head Trauma tour, cEvin [Kevin Crompton] sliced open his stomach and performed a vivisection. Relax, everyone - he was only pretending.
28. Crash Test Dummies
Appalling fact They're Canadian.
27. Color Me Badd
Appalling fact As kids, CMB regularly buttonholed such acts as Huey Lewis & the News and Bon Jovi for impromptu a cappella auditions.
26. Celine Dion
Appalling fact You would've wanted to stay clear of Nevada from 2003-06; as Dion had had a 3-year engagement there at Caesar's Palace.
25. Jamiroquai
24. Bad English
23. Creed
Appalling fact In April 2003, a fan sued the band following a show at which, it was alleged, Stapp was so incapacitated that he was "unable to sing a single song."
22. Primus
Appalling fact The rallying cry for Primus's misguided fans was "Primus sucks!" -- intended as sarcasm yet all too true.
21. The Alan Parsons Project
Appalling fact In the '90s, world champions the Chicago Bulls took the court to the pretentious swells of Parsons's "Sirius."
20. Howard Jones
Appalling fact Early in his career, Jones was accompanied by "improvisational dance" expert Jed Hoile, who, in keeping with the lyrics to "New Song," mimed throwing off his "mental chains."
19. Dan Fogelberg
Appalling fact His 1982 hit "Run for the Roses" smelled of horse manure, and it was in fact about the Kentucky Derby.
18. Pat Boone
Appalling fact In 1977, his daughter Debby topped the charts with "You Light Up My Life."
17. Benzino
16. Oingo Boingo
15. Yanni
Appalling fact "I avoid words. If instrumental music is done properly, it bypasses logic, programming and society. It becomes primal. I compose by emotion."
14. Yngwie Malmsteen
Appalling fact Malmsteen's 1983 show at London's Marquee Club sold out in minutes because of unsuspecting Bruce Springsteen fans who thought they were attending a secret gig by the Boss.
13. Mick Jagger
Appalling fact In his native U.K., Jagger's latest solo release, Goddess in the Doorway, sold just 954 copies on its first day of release.
12. Tin Machine
Appalling fact The band's roadies wore T-shirts that read "F**K YOU, I LIKE TIN MACHINE." They were the only ones.
11. LaToya Jackson"I am such a purist for old information on anything '70s and '80s."Are you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No - 4 years 8 months ago
- Posts: 9805
RetroBen81 wrote:
14. Yngwie Malmsteen
Appalling fact Malmsteen's 1983 show at London's Marquee Club sold out in minutes because of unsuspecting Bruce Springsteen fans who thought they were attending a secret gig by the Boss.
Yngwie Malmsteen?? Somebody out there doesn't like rock music.There is a battle between two wolves inside us all.
One is evil and the other one is good. Which wolf will win? The one you feed the most.
http://unbelievableyou.com/a-native-american-cherokee-story-two-wolves/Are you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No - 4 years 8 months ago
- Posts: 728
- Account Disabled
That's bullshit about Jim Morrison, he did die in the bath but it was after o'ding on his girlfriend Pam's heroin.
Also, there's nothing wrong with Bob Geldoff's old band the Boomtown Rats and Oingo Boingo were the go to band for 80's comedy movies. They should get a pass just for Weird Science and Back to School alone.Are you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No 
- 4 years 8 months ago
- Posts: 619
ICP, really, wow. I liked them as a teen, but for what its worth they're marketing geniuses. How much money have they made off all thier random merchandise and "horrible" music over the last 20 years. Blender is retarted, so much worse than them. Free Lil BoosieAre you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No 
- 4 years 8 months ago
- Posts: 2492
- Globally Banned
RetroBen81 wrote:BLENDER - THE 50 WORST ARTISTS IN MUSIC HISTORY
(PRINTED NOVEMBER 2003)
(The top ten are listed here for space reasons)
7
ASIA
Ridiculous album sleeves, virtuoso playing, soulless rock. It can be only one band
Asia's music turned out to be exactly the sum of its parts: former technicians from King Crimson, Emerson, Lake & Palmer and Yes who got together with an erstwhile Buggle at the start of the '80s. It promised the most self-important prog-rock melded with the limp-wristed worst of AOR, and it delivered. The band's self-titled debut sold more than 4 million copies, which only encouraged them.
Appalling fact To this day, keyboardist Geoff Downes is happy to offer Asia's mission statement: "To play music that is panoramic, symphonic and rock at the same time."
Worst CDAstra (Geffen, 1985)
4
KENNY G
This guy really blows!
Hated equally by jazz and rock fans, Kenny Gorelick's limpid instrumentals and obsequious cameos helped turn the soprano sax solo into pop music's most feared cliche. He started his career with fusion hack Jeff Lorber, and his 1986 album, Duotones, established a steady market for anodyne, minimal background music, an aesthetic that reached its zenith in 1997 when "the G" set a world record by holding a single note for 45 minutes.
Appalling fact He graduated magna cum laude from the University of Washington with a degree in accounting.
Worst CDClassics in the Key of G (Arista, 1999)
3
MICHAEL BOLTON
Otis Redding died for this?
With his curly locks and toned abs, the former Michael Bolotin looked nothing so much as the hero of a cheap bodice-ripper, which was enough to earn him a fervent audience for his over-emoted late '80s power ballads. Unfortunately, his greatest desire was to sing R&B oldies, which he went through like Sherman through Georgia.
Appalling fact After losing a plagiarism suit to the Isley Brothers, Bolton tried to avoid paying them royalties by buying their publishing house.
Worst CDTimeless: The Classics (Columbia, 1992)
2
EMERSON, LAKE & PALMER
Welcome back, my friends, to the second-worst band in history!
"Boasting" former members of the Nice, King Crimson and -- yes! -- Atomic Rooster, the less-than-super '70s supergroup ELP shunned blues-based rock in favor of bombastically reinterpreted classical works -- with bewilderingly successful results. A nightmarish enough proposition on record, the Brit trio's live shows were peppered by interminable solo spots, including a 20-minute drum workout by Carl Palmer that ended with him ringing a cowbell held between his teeth.
Appalling fact Singer-bassist Greg Lake performed on a $10,000 Persian rug that roadies vacuumed before every show.
Worst CDLove Beach (Atlantic, 1978)
THE WORST BAND EVER!
1
INSANE CLOWN POSSE
They sound even stupider than they look
Two trailer-trash types who wear face paint, pretend to be a street gang and drench cult devotees in cheap soda called Faygo, Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope are more notorious for their beef with Eminem (who pistol-whipped an ICP homey in 2001) than their ham-fisted rap-rock music. They claim that a "dark carnival" visited them one night, prophesied impending apocalypse and made them its messengers. Between this circus gospel, they find plenty of time to rap about 40-ouncers and venereal disease.
Appalling fact While appearing on The Howard Stern Show in 1999, Shaggy 2 Dope told Sharon Osbourne to "buff my pickle." She declined.
Worst CDThe Wraith: Shangri-la (D3, 2002)
~Ben
What the fuck? Does autism not allow you comprehend good music?Are you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No
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