• 7 years 10 months ago
    • Posts: 646
    President Bush says "that all mexican immagrants, should learn english in the united states"

    President Bush then siad "If I went to Canada, I would learn Canidian"

    -Jay Leno
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      • 7 years 10 months ago
      • Posts: 1963
      An Arizona brewer has come out with a new "Chili" Beer. It's essentially beer flavored with chilie. Now, Who is this for? ppl who feel their not spending enough time in the restroom?-Jay Leno

      I don't get no respect. THe time I got hurt, on the way to the hospital the ambulance stopped for gas.-Rodney Dangerfield

      Six flags just had thier billionth visitor. Whe nthey asked the man what hed do with the prize money, he replied "I'm going to Disney World!"-Jay Leno

      All creatures must learn to co-exist. That's why the brown bear and the field mouse can share thier lives and live in harmony. Of course they can't mate or else the mice would explode-Betty Whitefrom Golden Girls
      What is popular isn't always right; What is Right isn't always popular.
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        • 7 years 10 months ago
        • Posts: 1963
        Anyone else have a funny joke to tell?
        What is popular isn't always right; What is Right isn't always popular.
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          • 7 years 10 months ago
          • Posts: 74809
          i do.

          ok, this teacher walks into her classroom and on the chalkboard she sees the word penis written on it in small letters. she thought nothing of it and just erased it. the next day she walks in her classroom and the word penis is written again on the chalkboard, but in bigger letters this time. she again erases it. then, the next day she comes in and the word penis is written in even bigger letters than before. the teacher looks around to see if there are any suspects, but she sees none. so she erases it. this continues for a few more days with penis written on the board and in bigger letters each time. on the last day of the week she expects to see the word penis again in bigger letters, but instead it says on the board, the more u rub it the bigger it gets.
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            • 7 years 10 months ago
            • Posts: 62
            Okay so this won the funniest joke in the world or something just recently..

            A guy from New Jersey is hunting in the woods with his buddy. Out of the blue his buddy starts to become ill and falls to the ground. The hunter bends down to inspect his friend and finds that hes not breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. So the hunter pulls out his cell phone and calls 911.

            911: 911 is this an emergency?

            Hunter: Yes my friend and I were hunting in the woods and he all of a sudden fell over and I think hes dead.

            911: Well first things first we have to make sure that your friend is dead.

            The 911 operator hears silence on the phone followed by a loud BANG!

            Hunter: Okay now what?
            Smurf the Skull! Smurf over 'em! SMURF 'EM ALL!
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              • 7 years 10 months ago
              • Posts: 1203
              I read that in Reader's Digest. Laughed out loud then, too.
              Official Member of the B&G Custom Comic Disaster Squad.
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                • 7 years 10 months ago
                • Posts: 1963
                Vic-20 wrote:
                Okay so this won the funniest joke in the world or something just recently..

                A guy from New Jersey is hunting in the woods with his buddy. Out of the blue his buddy starts to become ill and falls to the ground. The hunter bends down to inspect his friend and finds that hes not breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. So the hunter pulls out his cell phone and calls 911.

                911: 911 is this an emergency?

                Hunter: Yes my friend and I were hunting in the woods and he all of a sudden fell over and I think hes dead.

                911: Well first things first we have to make sure that your friend is dead.

                The 911 operator hears silence on the phone followed by a loud BANG!

                Hunter: Okay now what?


                :lol: Oh that was a funny joke Thanks. I needed a laugh tonite.
                What is popular isn't always right; What is Right isn't always popular.
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                  • 7 years 10 months ago
                  • Posts: 1963
                  I like to leave a message before the beep-Steven Wright

                  My home is made out of balsa wood. When no one is home across the street except the children; I lift my house over my head and tell them to stay out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.-Steven Wright

                  My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud.-Henny Youngman

                  I don't have a baby, but I still hire a babysitter. I tell her to check on the baby after an hour. Then when I return I go "escaped? well, give me 50 bucks and we'll call it even."-Harry Hill
                  What is popular isn't always right; What is Right isn't always popular.
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                    • 7 years 10 months ago
                    • Posts: 666
                    Joan, who was a rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs. She was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."
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                      • 7 years 10 months ago
                      • Posts: 920
                      One day there was a guy named Odd. Every day of his life he was teased 'cause of his name. On his deathbed before he died, his last wish was to have nothing written on his tombstone so that noone would ever make fun of him. But whenever someone passed by his grave and saw nothing written on his tombstone, they would say outloud, "how odd!"

                      Here's another joke.

                      There was a family of moles that lived in a hole in the corner of a kitchen. The holes entrance was no bigger than one adult mole.
                      One day momma mole suddenly stuck her nose through the entrance and proclaimed, "What's that smell? I smell syrup."
                      Daddy mole than squeezed his way next to her with his nose barely making it to the entrance and said, "That's not syrup, that's honey!"
                      Than out of curiosity, the baby mole squeezed really hard, between his parents and stuck his nose through the hole and said in puzzlement, "I don't smell syrup or honey?! I smell moleasses!!!"
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                        • 7 years 10 months ago
                        • Posts: 1963
                        How come when you mix flour and water together, you get glue, but if you add sugar and eggs to the mix, you get a cake? where did the glue go?-Rita Rudner

                        A ninety year old woman in Oregon has won all the states's baking prizes. Martha Stewart has sent her a letter saying "You're goin' down Jerk"-Craig Killborn

                        Bank of America has laid off 13,000 workers. The lines at the bank were to short.-Jay Leno

                        The NBA's Washington Bullits will be changing their name to avoid being associated with an image of crime. So, from now on they'll just be known as the bullits.-Jay Leno
                        What is popular isn't always right; What is Right isn't always popular.
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                          • 7 years 10 months ago
                          • Posts: 646
                          Q. What do you call peanuts?

                          A. dicks
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                            • 7 years 10 months ago
                            • Posts: 1963
                            The Miss America pagent is considering adding an academic competition, where contestants will have to answer muliple choice questions about history. Which means that it may be harder to become Miss. America then to become president of the United States.-Conan O'Brien

                            The Miss America talent Competition is tough. Miss New York, using only a coat hanger, can break into a Lexus. And the entire time she's smoking.-David Letterman

                            Ray Charles was given a suprise party for his 70th birthday. All his friends jump out from...well..nothing.-Craig Killborn

                            You know what Bo Diddley got for his birthday? Diddley Squat-Jay Leno

                            A woman has written a book claiming that she was married to Bob Dylan for six years. The marriage wasn't really a secret, but when Dylan told ppl about it, They couldn't understand what he was saying.-Conan O'Brien
                            What is popular isn't always right; What is Right isn't always popular.
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                              • 7 years 10 months ago
                              • Posts: 646
                              Red Rooster wrote:
                              Nipratts wrote:
                              Q. What do you call peanuts?

                              A. dicks


                              ROFL

                              that is the funniest thing i have ever heard


                              yup im pretty damn funny
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                                • 7 years 10 months ago
                                • Posts: 313
                                Two eggs sitting a saucepan, boiling away.

                                One says to the other "Christ it's hot in here!"

                                The other one says "Wait til you get outside - they smash your fucking head in!"
                                F@#kin classy.
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                                  • 7 years 10 months ago
                                  • Posts: 220
                                  • Account Disabled
                                  :twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted:
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                                    • 7 years 10 months ago
                                    • Posts: 1963
                                    The hardest thing about getting out of a relationship is listening to the radio. Because every every song is about being in love, or being heartbroken. I found the only song I was comforable with was the Peter, Paul and Mary song "If I had a Hammer"-Ellen DeGeneres

                                    A woman was in court because she's still breast feeding her five year old. And you thought you were imbarrased when your mom brought your lunch to school-Jay Leno

                                    I lost a buttonhole today-Steven Wright

                                    I put a new engine in my car, but didn't take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour-Steven Wright
                                    What is popular isn't always right; What is Right isn't always popular.
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