• 9 years 4 months ago
    • Posts: 74809
    So this duck walks into a store. He walks up to the clerk and asks, "Hey man, you got any grapes?"

    The clerk says, "Nope. No grapes."

    Next day the duck walks into the store again...right up to the counter, "Hey, you got any grapes?"

    Clerk replies, "No, duck. We ain't got no grapes."

    Next day the duck walks in, up to the clerk, and asks, "So...you got any grapes?"

    A now-livid clerk shouts, "No you stupid duck, we ain't got any grapes! And if you come in here again asking me for grapes, I'm gonna nail your damn webbed feet to the floor!"

    Next day the duck walks in, up to the counter...to the clerk, and asks, "Hey man, you got a hammer?"

    Clerk says, "No."

    Duck says, "Well then, you got any grapes?"
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      • 9 years 4 months ago
      • Posts: 74809
      Haha, thats a good one!

      My new favorite joke is:

      Q: How many kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

      A: Wanna ride bikes?
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        • 9 years 4 months ago
        • Posts: 249
        Eryn..explain please I don't get that one! lol
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          • 9 years 4 months ago
          • Posts: 369
          I think she's trying to say that kids are hyper and have a short attention span and lack the drive to figure out how many kids it would indeed take to change a light bulb before moving on to something else.

          I've always liked that duck joke, but I like ducks. I don't know why :? .
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            • 9 years 4 months ago
            • Posts: 369
            Oh yeah and here's one you can appreciate Foxxie:

            what's the difference between a dog and a fox?... About four or five beers
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              • 9 years 4 months ago
              • Posts: 249
              Byrd man wrote:
              I think she's trying to say that kids are hyper and have a short attention span and lack the drive to figure out how many kids it would indeed take to change a light bulb before moving on to something else.

              I've always liked that duck joke, but I like ducks. I don't know why :? .


              Well I thought it something to that effect but I wasn't sure ...I wonder why you like ducks so much..do they have more bill$ than you do :lol: JK!
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                • 9 years 4 months ago
                • Posts: 846
                okay here's one....

                there's this guy named jack and he was invited to dinner at this girl's house. her name is angela and jack likes angela very much. at dinnertime jack tried to be polite as he could be. he even petted their dog which was under his chair :) okay, so in the middle of dinner jack gets the urge to fart. he tries to hold it in, but he lost it. RUFUS!' shouted angela's dad. jack was glad they thought it was the dog and not him. so he lets out another one. RUFUS!' shouted angela's mom. jack is so glad he just keeps letting out farts.

                Mom:RUFUS!! and another one

                Dad:RUFUS!!! then suddenly, Jack lets out a big huge VERY huge one. then angela quickly stands up and yells to rufus: RUFUS!!!! GET OUT FROM UNDER THE TABLE BEFORE THAT MAN SHITS ON YOU!!!! :lol::lol:
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                  • 9 years 4 months ago
                  • Posts: 369
                  :roll:
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                    • 9 years 4 months ago
                    • Posts: 944
                    Here's one that's pretty funny:

                    there once was a man from Nantucket- *gets hit by a thrown brick*

                    OW! Fine I'll do the other one... It's a little long but here goes.

                    *There were two guys driving down a highway and they saw something lying on the side of the road. Being that they were poth pretty bored they decide to stop and check it out. The driver shines his headlights on it and they see a dead donkey lying on the side of the road.*

                    The Driver: "Hey man, check out the dead mule!"

                    Passenger: "No, dude it's a donkey!"

                    Driver: "No... It's a mule!"

                    Passenger: "Donkey!"

                    Driver: "Mule!"

                    Passenger: "DONKEY!!!"

                    Driver: "MULE!!!"

                    *They keep argueing about this for a while and then a priest who recognized them, stopped on the side of the road next to them to see if he could help.*

                    Priest: "What'r you boys up to?"

                    Driver: "We're trying to figure out whether this thing is a donkey or a mule."


                    Priest: "Well you know according to the Bible that creature is known as an ass."

                    Passenger: "...ok"

                    Priest: "And it would be nice of you two to give it a proper burial too."

                    *Priest tossees them both shovels*

                    *And so they both start digging, and after a few more minutes another guy in a truck pulled up to see what was going on and shouted to them:*

                    Guy: "What'r you guys doing? Diggin a Foxhole?"

                    Passenger: "Not according to the Bible."
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                      • 9 years 4 months ago
                      • Posts: 369
                      ... and then he says "rectum? damn near killed 'im"
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                        • 9 years 4 months ago
                        • Posts: 74809
                        Q: What's brown and sticky?
                        A: A stick.

                        Q: Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
                        A: Because it was dead.

                        Q: What does a dog do, that a man steps into?
                        A: Pants.

                        A-thank-you!
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                          • 9 years 4 months ago
                          • Posts: 581
                          Little Mickey was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.

                          After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isnt good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

                          Little Mickey replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

                          "Oh?" replied the man. "Did you grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

                          "No" replied Little Mickey, "he minded his own damn business!!"



                          And finally....

                          Q: Why did Ron Artest leave the game early?
                          A: So he could beat the crowd.

                          BAZING!!!!
                          WHAT?
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                            • 9 years 4 months ago
                            • Posts: 249
                            Q.why do women wear makeup and perfume?
                            A. because they're ugly and they smell bad.
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                              • 9 years 4 months ago
                              • Posts: 74809
                              The Funniest thing is when Fat people Fall down. I can't stop laughing at that
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                                • 9 years 3 months ago
                                • Posts: 74809
                                How did the frog with no legs cross the road?

                                solution: Take the F out of way
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                                  • 9 years 3 months ago
                                  • Posts: 74809
                                  heres another one


                                  Three ducks were swimming in a pond after midnight and were arrested for trespassing. The next morning, they were called to appear in court. The judge called in duck number one and said, "What where you doing in the pond after midnight?"

                                  "I was blowing bubbles." The judge then called in duck number two and asked him the same question. "Judge, I was blowing bubbles."

                                  He then called in duck number three and said, "So let me quess — you were blowing bubbles too?"

                                  "No, I'm Bubbles."

                                  www.big-boys.com
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                                    • 8 years 2 months ago
                                    • Posts: 646
                                    MattNash wrote:
                                    So this duck walks into a store. He walks up to the clerk and asks, "Hey man, you got any grapes?"

                                    The clerk says, "Nope. No grapes."

                                    Next day the duck walks into the store again...right up to the counter, "Hey, you got any grapes?"

                                    Clerk replies, "No, duck. We ain't got no grapes."

                                    Next day the duck walks in, up to the clerk, and asks, "So...you got any grapes?"

                                    A now-livid clerk shouts, "No you stupid duck, we ain't got any grapes! And if you come in here again asking me for grapes, I'm gonna nail your damn webbed feet to the floor!"

                                    Next day the duck walks in, up to the counter...to the clerk, and asks, "Hey man, you got a hammer?"

                                    Clerk says, "No."

                                    Duck says, "Well then, you got any grapes?"


                                    you know i would just buy the duck some grapes
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                                      • 8 years 2 months ago
                                      • Posts: 1963
                                      oh boy. This looks like fun. I have a jokebook right besides me here..let me find a good one.

                                      I broke my arm trying to unfold a bed. It wasn't the kind that folds-Steven Wright

                                      You heard that report about traffic accidents being caused by ppl dosing off. The last thing they heard was "Now a melody from Kenny G"-David Letterman

                                      that'll be all for now. If I find some more, I'll let y'all know.
                                      What is popular isn't always right; What is Right isn't always popular.
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                                        • 8 years 2 months ago
                                        • Posts: 9769
                                        Knock knock.

                                        Who's there ?

                                        Kenya.

                                        Kenya who ?

                                        Kenya lemme outta here D:<

                                        :lol:
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                                          • 8 years 2 months ago
                                          • Posts: 1963
                                          The biggest marketing disaster in history was campbell's soup for one. They might as well have called it Cream of Loser Soup. "Open can, Add tears"-Traci Skene

                                          I don't feel old. I odn't fell anything until noon. That's when it's time for my nap-Bob Hope

                                          How young can you die of old age?-Steven Wright

                                          The other day at an Austrillian track meet, a 101-year old man ran a mile and set a world record for ppl over the age of 100. There is some controversy concering the record though, because when he started the race he was only 98-Conen O'brien

                                          The oldest man in the world has passed away yesterday at age 112. The cause of death doctors say....was being 112.-Conen O'Brien
                                          What is popular isn't always right; What is Right isn't always popular.
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