• Shazbot
    • 6 years 4 months ago
    • Posts: 2882
    		 Has anyone seen this movie yet?



    It's based loosely on a comic book that i had never heard of, but i bet those who have will be just as disappointed as i was. It's about this meek office employee (a la fight club) who feels like something is missing in his life. (a la fight club) His boss is a piece of crap. (a la fight club) He soon meets Angelina Jolie, who offers some seldom seen excitement (a la fight club) in the form of violence. (a la fight club) He then reallizes that he is not his job, (a la fight club) or his ikea table (a la fight club) that his girlfriend uses to lie on while fucking his best friend.

    The action sequences in this movie heavily rely on the audience being stoned. There's a scene in The Transporter 2 where Jason Statham removes an explosive from the underside of his car by flipping it into the air and hooking the explosive onto a crane, then landing solidly and cruising away. This movie is like a 2-hour homage to that cinematic moment. Most of the action scenes cut away to over-emphasized and ridiculous slo-mo, 360-degree pans of bullets flying and glass shards breaking. Angelina Jolie's last gunshot in the movie is of particular interest. I won't give away too much but it was enough to make people start walking out of the theater. I'm surprised the bullets in the movie aren't little talking bullet people with their own little bullet civilization with little bullet children and little bullet mortgages, because that would not make this movie any more ridiculous. These assassins are so good that not only can they curve bullets and leap tall buildings, they can also reach right into the audience's head and pop brain cells like they were bubble wrap.

    If you have a computer and a TV in your living room, you can acheive the experience of watching this movie in your own home if you do the following:

    1- Start watching Fight Club on your computer and Shoot 'EM Up on your TV, simultaneously.
    2- Set up a strobe light directly above or beside the TV, and adjust it to the "seizure" setting.
    3- Start listening to Shoot 'Em Up at the highest volume setting there is.
    4- Hope that the overstimulation won't kill too many brain cells.

    To sum it up:

    Pros:
    - Angelina is still smoking hot in a nice taut little package.
    - Morgan Freeman says "muthafucka" in it like Samuel L Jackson.
    Cons:
    - The rest of the movie.
    Are you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No
    • System
      • 6 years 4 months ago
      • Posts: 74809
      		 Just read the graphic novel and rent Gia to see Angelina Jolie fully naked.
      Are you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No
      • We Are Siamese
        • 6 years 4 months ago
        • Posts: 184
        		 ROFL Now I want to see this just for the ridiculousness. And the bullet civilization.
        We are Siamese if you please.
        We are Siamese if you don't please.
        Are you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No
        • Captain Howdy
          • 6 years 4 months ago
          • Posts: 2212
          		 I'm pretty sure that it's based on actual events, they just changed the names.
          Are you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No
          • DMoney89
            • 6 years 4 months ago
            • Posts: 2531
            • Account Disabled
            		 It looked like it was gonna suck based on the cheesy ass commercials to begin with. SO glad I decided not to see it...
            Are you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No
            • voltron82
              • 6 years 4 months ago
              • Posts: 999
              		 awful movie.. just read the book!!
              "In heaven all the interesting people are missing."
              Friedrich Nietzsche
              Are you sure you want to delete this post? Yes | No
              Search
              Users Online