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6 years 8 months ago
- Posts: 586
- Globally Banned
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I posted this in another "TV Sucks Now" thread, but I'll repeat here, just in case someone hasn't seen it.
Maybe we need a list of all the shows from our past that really were braindead. Maybe that will show you. Again, I remind you, I loved all these shows. These are shows that I own DVD copies of and have spent my hard-earned money on. I love them, but for crying out loud, they are in no way works of art...
(1.) After School Specials - Remember those overly simplistic, moralistic hour long specials, where teen crises were unrealistically cured in a 45 minute span? Like when Theo from the Cosby Show committed suicide over a test score, or something like that?
(2.) Super Friends - Ah, the good old days when characters were Evil just to be Evil. Heck, they even included the name Evil in their names, language and place they hung out at. "You will not survive my evil plan!" I cringe every time I hear Superman's dialogue, because whoever voiced him was the biggest cheeseball ever. Compare these cartoons to the earlier Max Fleischer shorts or the newer animated series and they don't even CLOSE to stand up. Animation is poor, voice acting is even worse, and writing doesn't even deserve to be called "hack."
(3.) Bosom Buddies - This classic Tom Hanks/Peter Scolari sitcom operates under the pretense that in order to obtain a cheap apartment, they have to cross-dress and get admitted to a hotel that only allows women to live there. (Imagine that sort of housing discrimination in a modern world?) They go to work as men all day, then put on their tranny clothes in a port-a-potty in the middle of their walk home from work, and then spend time with a bunch of thick skulled women (who, by the way, routinely see them both in and out of costume) who can't figure out that the two butt-ugly girls in front of them are the same people as the guys who just left the room a minute ago.
(4.) Scooby-Doo - The gang solves paranormal mysteries day in and day out, all of which never turn out to be truly paranormal. Rather, they're cheap parlor tricks that Shaggy and Scooby are dumb enough (high enough?) to fall for. In the end, we find out that the culprit is...gasp...the only other character that was in the episode besides them. Repetitive animation sequences in this show.
(5.) Hanna Barbera cartoons (Yogi, Huckleberry Hound, etc.) - A poor man's Looney Tunes. Horrid animation, repetitive plots, and complete lack of re-watchability.
(6.) Charlie Brown cartoons - Not only were these extremely poorly animated, but they were also voiced by kids who were so young that they had to learn their lines phonetically, er go the lack of any real enthusiasm. And the most popular one, the Christmas show, features everyone torturing Charlie Brown for 27 and a half minutes until Linus reads a scripture and causes them all to dress up his stupid little tree.
(7.) Dinosaurs - This TGIF series from Jim Henson studios aired Friday nights on ABC. The first five or six episodes were genuinely hilarious. Unfortunately, the writers began really latching onto their social satire, until basically each episode became blatant sermonizing. After barely four seasons, audiences had had enough of being preached at by a bunch of people in rubber suits. As for production values, the puppets are pretty good (though you can occasionally catch a glimpse of a puppeteer.)
(8.) Ernest movies, after "Scared Stupid" - Some, like Ernest in the Army, were mildly funny. Others like Ernest Goes to School are altogether unwatchable and much more low-budget than the previous films.
(9.) The Flash - One of the best-designed super-hero live-action television shows succumbed after only one season to the one villain that seemingly has dogged most other superheroes: lack of interesting plot lines. 99% of screen time with Flash out of costume + barely visible Flash while in costume + soap opera plotlines favored over action/adventure = cancelled!
(10.) Full House - The first season was heart-warming, funny, and occasionally poignant. After that season, characters became caricatures of themselves, changes were made without regard to continuity (most notably "Jesse Cochran" becomes "Jesse Katsopolis" because it fit one story line), and Michelle became the center-point of the stories. (The Olsen twins weren't even billed as cast members in the opening credit until 2 or 3 seasons into the show.) Watch and see how charismatic TV show host is not charming, comedian is not funny, and rock-n-roller is lame. Go ahead, try watching a 5th or 6th season episode and see if you don't find yourself turning it off mid-way.
(11.) G.I. Joe - He may fight for freedom wherever there's trouble, but Cobra will always beat him to the punch. Not that it's anything to worry about, though. After 15 minutes of bravado, shots fired without hitting anything, and all of Cobra's machinery being wrecked, Cobra Commander will shout retreat, and the day will be saved without a single casualty on either side. And of course, Cobra's resources have somehow miraculously regenerated by the next episode, and the troops will do as ordered, even though their side is zero for 999,999,999 attempts. Animation on these episodes is typical Sunbow. (Why couldn't their characters ever run properly?) Rife with errors.
(12.) He-Man and the Masters of the Universe - Filmation made this with, seemingly, 10 animation stock sequences. Watch a few episodes. I swear it's true. There is maybe one new animation sequence per episode. The writing on this show is better than some, except when the plot revolves around Orko. Also, nobody can tell Adam's He-Man when the two have no physical differences other than clothes and a nasal voice. C'mon, even Superman wore glasses.
(13.) Home Improvement - Same as Full House. It starts with a bang, but after the second season, the humor gets repetitive, and it's basically a show about how big of an oaf men are. More recycled jokes than you'd care to remember, but at least it doesn't have an annoying character to wear completely out, a la Family Matters.
(14.) Mork & Mindy - Again, season one is brilliant. The rest is garbage.
(15.) Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman - This show is the best argument I've ever seen for Superman being gay. Wouldn't you turn gay, if you had to put up with Teri Hatcher's version of Lois Lane? This show is Superman meets All My Children, and once again we see less of the hero and more of the Clark Kent character. (This can be well done in shows like Smallville, but it is not well done here.) Sprinkle in a seemingly endless stream of cheesy "villains" and some of the worst special effects ever to grace the small screen, and you've got this show.
(16.) Punky Brewster - The first five episodes really tugged at my heart strings, but beyond that Soleil Moon Frye and friends were STRICTLY for kids viewing. No adult could stomach the plots. That's okay, though, because this show was written with children as a target audience, but nobody should ever think of this show as a brain-trust.
(17.) Slimer and the Real Ghostbusters - Horridly animated, freak-of-the-week type show. Voice characterizations were suspect.
(18.) Superboy - Remember this live-action Saturday morning show? Did I say "Lois and Clark" had poor special effects? Well, this show tops them all. I think the flight effects were the worst. This show makes the 1950's "Adventures of Superman" look like a CGI extravaganza by comparison. 30 minute sucky plotlines put this over the top as perhaps the worst characterization of Superman ever put on film.
(19.) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (80's) - The first six episodes are alright. After that, the turtles switch more toward the Archie comics style (they look fat!) and the jokes they tell are such groaners, it's hard to imagine that a script editor actually approved them. Atrocious animation and lazy scripts make the shows from season 2 forward almost impossible to watch.
(20.) Transformers (G1) - Almost every episode had errors. (Watching the DVD extras on season one was very instructive, as one feature pointed out every error in every first season episode. It'll blow your mind if you see it.) There were some repetitive animation sequences. Some glitches should've been caught way before a final edit. Voice acting was actually surprisingly good. Story lines, however, constantly conflict with each other in terms of canon and continuity. And some are just stupid.
(21.) Power Rangers (any generation) - I particularly love the scenes where the huge monster fights the Megazord, when it's obvious that it's two regular guys in rubber suits fighting in a miniature city. And remember when all they had to do to make the bad guy drones disappear was to punch them in the chest? And... work with me here... if calling on your combined Zords is the way that you have ALWAYS won EVERY SINGLE battle, then why...oh why...don't you just form the combined Megazord TO START WITH?!?!
(22.) Knight Rider - Heaven help me, where do I begin? Lump this in with Dukes of Hazzard for having the lamest plot lines that serve no other purpose than to segue between shots of cars racing and flying through the air? I always loved it when the car would jump, hit the ground, and you'd see it obviously being destroyed (the front axle would snap and the hood would crumple) and then seconds later it's flying down the road without so much as a bruised shock absorber.
There. Still think TV was better back then than it is today?
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