• Horny Toad
    • 6 years 11 months ago
    • Posts: 598
    		 Goalkeeper banned for “Illegal” gloves.

    Grimsby Mechanical Primates goalkeeper, Mike Goloplatunging was banned for 5 matches today, for wearing “illegal sized” gloves.

    In Grimsby MP’s home tie against Oxford Honking Dolphins in the 2nd Division of the National Alliance league, the 32 year old shot stopper was red-carded after the fourth official spotted his gloves that contravened the league rules.

    The gloves, said to be 24 inches from wrist to the top of the middle finger, have been seized and sent to the governing body for inspection.

    Amid chaotic scenes, the game was abandoned, as fans of both teams invaded the pitch and began hitting each other with frozen mackeral, looted from the adjoining manufacturers of fish products, “Fish World” - coincidentally GMP’s main sponsor.

    “It was ridiculous” one fan commented. “Those gloves looked like those things you see at Robot Wars, The NBA or other brain-dead “sporting” events. They’re novelty gloves, surely?”
    Quite how the game had gone on for over an hour without the officials noticing remains to be answered. The fans were heard singing an adaptation of 1980’s Frankie Goes To Hollywood Hit “The Power Of Love”, instead, chanting, “We Worship Your Gloves”, but the referee Colin Duckleberryman and his assistants failed to notice the goalkeepers illegal aids until the 64th minute.

    Commenting only that, “the matter is being dealt with”, Mr Duckleberryman was seen exiting Grimsby’s ground car park with any additional information being put forward.
    Manager of Oxford Honking Dolphins, Dave Pigchum, was sent to the stands for protesting at the over-sized gloves and now feels vindicated.

    “I mean - look at them, just, just…. Just look at them!” he spluttered in disbelief.
    “I said to the fourth official…. But he had me red-carded. The buffoon.”

    Grimsby have since reported rocketing trade in novelty over-sized gloves.
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