Retro Crushes

To me chicks never stopped looking hot on television. Well, ok, maybe for a brief period between 1988 and 1991; something about the big hair made me flacid. But 1970s and 1980s chicks ruled. Yeah, there's a lot of hot women out there: Jessica Alba, Halle Berry, Alexis Bledel. But they seem to lack the girl next door looks and charm from days gone by. I could never get a Jessica Alba. Neither could you. Even if you had a Publisher's Clearinghouse check falling out of your pocket. But I might have gotten some of my favorite 70s and 80s chicks, I could get a Lisa Ruddy and then fantasize about a Jessica Alba. That's multitasking. So, without further ado, let's share our Retrocrushes, Girls Next Door.


Like most people my age, I grew up on Nickelodeon. 1981-1984 I watched a lot of it and a lot of You Can't Do That on Television. One of my first TV crushes was on Moose, Christine McGlade. I then proceeded to develop a thing for Lisa Ruddy and Klea Scott. Lisa Ruddy (from 1982) is my fav. Moose's wig really threw me off back then.


I could never get a girl like Phoebe Cates, but she was wholesome looking, and I like that in a girl. I am not a fan of a girl with more tattoos than Popeye, or one who looks like she just finished bouncing drunks out of a bar. So, while Phoebe Cates was superfine, she didn't do it getting all glammed up; she was just born that way. If you don't know who Phoebe Cates is you're on the wrong website, but just in case you don't, she was the best friend who took off her top in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Her expression when she walks into the bathroom on Judge Reinhold is priceless.


I was a geek. I was a Farmer Ted type geek, so I could understand why Farmer Ted from Sixteen Candles was hot for Molly Ringwald. First, I am a sucker for redheads. Second, she was a cutie. Third, she let him have her underpants. Not many girls would just let you borrow their undies to sell tickets to your friends; she has a charity streak in her that won't quit.


If there is anything I'm known for, it's aiming low. But even when I aim low, I'm shocked to find out how lucky I was I did. Back when I used to watch Just the 10 of Us, I aimed for the lowest of the Lubboch sisters. Ok, second lowest, since the little kid doesn't count. I'm not R Kelly. I liked the sexy-voiced bookworm Connie, played by Joanne Willette. She was cute in a non threatening way. I could leave her to hang out with my best friend while I went down the street to pick up my Lotto ticket and not worry about him making the moves on her, not that she wasn't pretty, she was, but because she blends in. Joanne Willette also has very good genes. She still looks 20-something even though she's 40-something. That's the kind of girl I want, one that looks like jailbait all her life. At the time of the show, she was in her mid-20s, but you never would have guessed.


Finally, one of my faves was Lucinda Dickey, from one of my favorite movies in the world, Breakin 2: Electric Boogaloo. You can't hate that movie for the title alone, and seeing Special K in tights, gyrating, is worth the $1.50 it took to see it way back then. Unfortunately, I have to put up with watching that asshat Ozone, whose greasy look and horrible attitude makes me sick. Lucinda Dickey was cute, but even cuter was the latina dancer who joined the gang (yes, it was a gang. A very gay gang) with a crush on Turbo. She made Breakin 2 the greatest dance movie ever.


The 80s had some hot girls next door types, which I find have more personality than the sulty diva types. There are plenty of others I'm sure, but hey, these are some of my favorites. Maybe they're some of your favorites too. Let's hear from you...