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article imageThe 80’s was the best decade to nurture children of visual stimulation through Television, fashion, home consoles (video games), intense comic books, the rush of Japanese culture, drugs and more importantly…Freddy Krueger. Where would we be if there hadn’t been a Freddy Krueger? Well, I know I would be at loss of an article at the moment, but seriously…imagine a world without Freddy. Impossible! That’s what the good people at LJN said as they bought the rights for A Nightmare on Elm Street from New-Line International Releasing to program a Nintendo Entertainment System video game.

With the hype of A Nightmare on Elm Street for the NES and Nintendo’s new four-player control deck (sold separately), people couldn’t keep away from this much technology. I vividly remember asking my Grandmother to purchase the game after Christmas when sales were open and the hype of the game died. The chances of getting the video game at such a thrifty price ($30-$35) for the time being weren’t slim at all. Though, she felt Freddy Krueger was inappropriate for a nine year old and leaned closer to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I hated that game…but when I look back after playing A Nightmare on Elm Street, I’m very grateful I received the turtles instead. A Nightmare on Elm Street is in tight competition with Abodox for being one of the most pathetically programmed games ever. What a waste of time, movie rights and ass loads of money. I wonder what Freddy thought of all of this. How did he feel about being the star of this crappy video game? Well safetyLAMP readers, we are in luck! Freddy himself is in the studio right this very moment, ready to be interviewed solely for retrojunk.com!

Ladies and Gentlemen…Freddy Krueger!!
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article image -- Thank you eep for having me.
article image – No, not at all. It’s a pleasure.
article image – Aw, it’s great to be alive huh?
article image – Freddy, you’re looking well. Are you on a diet?
article image – Oh, why thank you for noticing. Yes, I am as a matter of fact. I’m down to one soul a day and a sensible snack to reward myself.
article image – Fantastic! Now Freddy, I’m sorry to change the subject…but can you tell us about the trauma you felt when you were programmed into such a repulsive Nintendo game?
article image – So, is that the reason why you asked me on?! HUH?!
article image – Freddy, your agent agreed for you to talk about this.
article image – Fucking Ted! Remind me to fire him when this interview is over.
article image – Krueger, children all over the world were once scared to sleep at night, until they realized that you were just a sell-out, a fad…a hoax!
article image – Oh! It’s true! The shame I felt. I was desperate! I needed the money. It was the eighties for God’s sake. I had a drug problem!

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article image – I see. That might explain why you rarely show up in the game and are guarded by creatures that have nothing to do with your series, including Frankenstein and a poorly constructed ghost.
article image – Don’t forget the snakes!

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article image - Who could forget them…One of them runs toward you in the beginning of the game.
article image – Uh Huh. That’s Larry. He stars in a new B flick in theaters now.
article image – I think I heard of it…eh!
article image - So, anyway. I know that the game lacks…Uhm…everything a good video game should have but the introduction photo is up to par.
article image – That’s the only thing the game is good for…a nice archival photo of Freddy Krueger.
article image – Look buddy, I got paid big bucks to pose for that shot!

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article image – Yeah sure. Tell us about the four player gimmick.
article image – Alright, so Nintendo felt that a four player adapter would be necessary for future games and they tagged my game with its advertising…though the game lacked structure and a point, Nintendo felt it was a good direction.
article image – I believe it was. Look Freddy, let’s be blunt…The game sucks ass, the four player mode fucking eats it and you pose no threat in the game. I’m more afraid of the Satyr and the fat rat than I am you.
article image - All I can be is myself...
article image – I understand Freddy, that’s why I’m going to go easy on the rating.
article image – You truly are?
article image – Nope! 0 out of 4!
article image – WHAT!?!

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-eep!