She did WHAT?!?!

So, hello there! My name's Jon and yours is??


Well?? How rude!!!

Ahem, anyways I'm new to this online world of Retro Junk and thought that my first post should be something that gives you all an idea about who I am and what I'm here to do.

I was born in the UK, wayyyyy back in 1985, which to anyone who remembers it well will notice how this pretty much sums it up,



Back in 1985 we were treated to many things one being the emergence of a few little bands like Erasure and Jane's Addiction. Now if you hadn't already guessed by my username on here, I'm not here to talk about music, no sir I'm here for MOVIES!!!!!

Now, there's no denying '85 saw quite a few stinkers (I'm looking at you Ewoks: The Battle for Endor!) but we were also blessed with some serious classics.



The likes of Back To The Future, The Colour Purple, Commando and The Breakfast Club were unleashed upon the public in this, the greatest of great years. Not everything was good though, I mean Rambo: First Blood Part II and Rocky IV were released coupled in with the fact we also got to witness Brigette Nielsen "acting".
Don't get me wrong, personally I'm a fan of Rocky IV (It's not that bad honest!!) but there's one common denominator in the awarding of the Razzies that year....

YES YOU GUESSED IT!


Sly Stallone and Brigette Nielsen!!!

Yes Ladies and Gentleman, these two stalwarts of cinema were married in 1985 and also cleared up at the Razzies with wins in...

Worst Picture - Rambo First Blood Part II

Worst Director - Sylvester Stallone with Rocky IV

Worst Actor - Sylvester Stallone with Rocky IV and Rambo First Blood Part II

Worst Supporting Actress - Brigette Nielsen with Rocky IV

Worst New Star - Brigette Nielsen with Red Sonja and Rocky IV

Is this a coincidence?? I mean have you recently gone back and watched Rocky IV? I used to love that film when I was younger, I didn't understand the whole Cold War/Iron Curtain thing, I just wanted to watch Sly kick Dolph Lundgren's ass! But try watching it now....go on right now....

Exactly what is the point of her being there? Was she shoehorned in by Sly so he wouldn't get his ear bent at home? Imagine the scene at the Stallone breakfast table in '85.

" YO BRIGETTE! I jus' wrote Rockeee 4 it gonna smash box office records YO!"

"Oh my dear Sylvester, I do take it you have wrote me a part in this hit?"

"YO, YO I aint thought of you Brig, the people want more of the Balboa YO"

"Well Sylvester if you want pancakes this morning I suggest you amend it right now"

"Aww Brigette...."

"SYLVESTER!!!"

2 minutes later.....

"YO BRIG, it's done YO, you'll win awards YO YO YO"

I mean seriously did he take more than 35 seconds to write her part? Watching now I can honestly see she was just put in by his request, I mean, her pancakes must have been the greatest thing ever. I can overlook the dodgy accents and acting but between them they pretty much messed up a decent franchise that caused us to tread the murky waters of Rocky V.

Now that is a crime no one can let go unpunished...




So there you have it, my first attempt at writing an article on Retro Junk. I won't deny it, it probably sucks as I'm still trying to find a writing style that suits me. I do write for my own review/opinion site on films but when you're writing on a certain subject for someone else it's pretty hard. I do promise the more I write for you guys the better they'll get! My problem is I write off the cuff, I don't plan. I get an idea and just go for it, sometimes it works and other times it probably doesn't!

Just promise me you'll go easy on me, I'm NEWWWWWWW! Any advice is greatly appreciated guys and gals.

This is The Vader Movie Files signing out......