The Value Of Family...

As my Mom gets ready for chemo, I want to think positive...

My Mom loves dancing. She would often go out and dance with her friends. As a single parent, she's had to deal with a lot, and dancing helped relieve her stress. Things changed drastically 5 years ago. In 2005, my Mom was struck with myeloma.



My Mom has beaten the median survival rate (as listed on Wikipedia), but she still needs care. As such, she's going in for another round of chemo the week that I'm writing this.

When a disease strikes a loved one, even the simplest of events can carry weight.

Herewith, I would like to a few thoughts about my family.

Our family has been to Walt Disney World many times. Every time we visit the Magic Kingdom, we go on Splash Mountain.



My Mom isn't much for most of the thrill rides there. More often than not, my brother and I usually go on the other mountains (Space and Big Thunder) ourselves, but it's a family tradition to visit Brer Rabbit and crew on every journey.

We've been on the ride over 15 times, and the drop still thrills us (and drenches us) every time. We often have our disagreements, but when we're at the Magic Kingdom, all is right in our little world.

My Mom has introduced me to some very interesting foods. I'll often have sausage for dinner every week or two.



There was usually nothing much for me to do than reheat it after I had any left over from dinner. Mom introduced me to an interesting concept, though.

Although it had been around for a long time, I only started eating it last year.

What she said to do was reheat the sausage, cook up some spaghetti, mix it altogether in a casserole dish and add some cheese to it. Cook it for a while and then you have a very Italian meal.

The cheeses that I usually use are Mozzarella and Parmesean.



If it hadn't been for my Mom, I don't know if I would've been introduced to such a tasty dinner.

She's always been one of my biggest boosters, even though we've had quite a few disagreements. It's like that with my brother as well.

Our relationship has always been a contentious one, but thankfully the anger has started to slip to the wayside in recent months, only occasionally rearing its' head. I think this has to do with the fact that my brother often drives me places I can't get to myself.

I'll never be behind the wheel of a car, because I get distracted and angered too easily. As such, I've relied on others to give me rides. My brother will drive me to my psychologist, and occasionally he'll drive me to the movies as well.

I've even seen a few with him, although he usually brings along his friends.

It's a very enjoyable time, even if the movie is bad. Although I do have friends, they either live far away or I don't get to talk to them outside of karaoke. With my brother, I'm able to have a friendship, albeit a somewhat contentious one, that has seen us through a lot.

As I've dealt with the fact that it's been 15 years since my Dad died, my brother has sometimes assumed the mantle of authority in the house. I always assumed that since I was older, I would have to be the man of the house. My brother was able to step up to the plate better, though. As such, when I get pissed off, I'll occasionally call him Dad.

What it is it that I'm envious of him. He doesn't have the same issues I do...I guess I just feel bitter at times. He occasionally gets exasperated with me as well...It's understandable. When you live with someone who has assorted emotional and mental issues, it can be hard to live with them.

It was Tolstoy who said "All happy families are happy in the same way...while all unhappy families are unhappy in many different ways".



That's a black-and-white way of looking at things. Families are complex units...They extend in all directions to different corners of the Earth. Sometimes everybody is on the same page, like at family reunions, while other times there can be heated arguments.

Politics, religion, even something as simple as who will pay for dinner can turn into an all-out battle. Lord knows that's been true in my house. At the end of the day, though, the old saying rings true:

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family.

You're with them forever, so you need to make it work somehow. Yes, my family has alcoholics, people who give bad advice, and people who can be insensitive to each other, but I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.

It's a little confusing, but we'll make it through somehow. If we've made it into 2010 without killing each other, we must be doing something right.

With that, the floor is open for discussions:

How has family life treated you? Do you have good relationships with your loved ones?
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Comments
    JPHBK Posted 2 years 9 months ago
    I pray for you and your family situation. Putting this in Christ's hands. God bless. :)
    Detox Posted 3 years 9 days ago
    forgot to mention she's a single parent who took care of me all my life..the only time the douchebag I don't want to call "father" was around when a money oppurtunity arose or when he didn't have to do anything and expected hand-outs from everyone else in return for nothing but lazyness...i'll get my revenge one day and I will return all those years of hard work for my mom with whatever she needs, whenever I make millions, she'll always have most of it...she deserves it all
    Detox Posted 3 years 9 days ago
    I have a very good relationship with my mother. I love her to death and I would not hesitate to take a bullet for her or even die for her and kill to protect her from anyone. I know lots of people say that and they don't hold true, but I do. I do worry for her sometimes and now more than ever, the way she carries herself daily is very healthy. She eats the right foods, takes organic vitamin D pills, I do too, and she goes to the gym nearly every day for almost 2 hours..but she smokes a-lot..she has been since her 20's...it worries me because sometimes i hear her cough and I don't like it..I tried telling her to quit, but she can be stubborn..well I won't give up...I hope the gym helps reduce the cancer risk as well as her healthy eating too..as for my dad...it's whatever, I'd rather not bother talking about it, it'll only make my day worse.
    Caps 2.0 Posted 3 years 23 days ago
    To clarify, I did my best job cleaning up the house, but she said it could have been done better...This after saying we did a good job. I was confused by her statements, and that led into the heated argument...She even made fun of me at one point, just like at least a dozen people I've had to deal with throughout my life. It's hard to deal with...
    Caps 2.0 Posted 3 years 23 days ago
    Well, she came home, and a few hours after she did, we ended up in a heated argument over my upkeep of the house. I'd rather not go into specifics, but I will say that if you're going to do something, give it everything you have...You never know if someone will demand more of you.
    WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot Posted 3 years 26 days ago
    Hope all goes well with your mom's chemo.
    Kimber76 Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    I admire your ability to lay yourself bare, Caps...it's always touching to read your personal-life articles.

    As for my family, I recall mostly happy times but there was some definite dysfunction as well, mainly after my parents separated and a couple of years later when my father died. But,we made it through the worst and we're all pretty well-adjusted and happy now. I wouldn't say we're really close-knit (I like to say "I love my brother...I just don't like him very much";) but when we get together we enjoy our time.

    Sending positive healing energy your way, Caps...all the best to you and yours.
    DirtyD1979 Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    I wish you and your mom all the best. I know what it's like too having to cope with a parent undergoing cancer. My mom passed away from esophogeal cancer back in 2005. I miss her because she was the one person in the world I could always talk to no matter what.
    ProphetSword1 Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Compared to the list article I just commented on (I won't mention which one), this article is great. Good work.
    MadMacks Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    I'm going through a similar situation with my Mom right now, she just beat breast cancer only to be diagnosed with Lukemia early this year. She is also a single Mom and raised myself and my sister all by herself. I'm moving back home to Maine from NYC so I can be close to her, you are right family is the most important thing we have and we've got to cherish every moment we can. Keep those positive thoughts going for your Mom Caps.
    Echidna64 Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Best wishes Caps!

    BTW, the first time I saw the thumbnail image for this article, I thought it was a picture of dog poop.lol
    Caps 2.0 Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    This is something I forgot to touch on in the article. My Mom's friends call her a bitch on occasion. She says she isn't offended by it, and that it's all in good fun, but when I stated my outrage and offense, we had an argument about it. I don't like when anybody insults my Mom, even as a joke, but she's okay with it. I don't understand it at all. She says it's easy to understand. Well, it never will be for me...You call my Mom a bitch, even if you think it's a joke, and I'll trust you about as far as I can throw you, and my body is in such bad condition that I shouldn't be throwing anybody.
    Zyoura Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Very nice article. I think it's the longest one I've ever read here without loosing my attention! To be totally honest with you, upon reading this article and doing some serious thought, my family has treated me very well. Growing up with them was a blast and my brother and I have always been very close and we hardly ever fought. We've had our ups and downs, but so far we have a good relationship.
    I wish you and your mother the best.
    skyluke1 Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Thank you for being so honest and open with this article. I lost my mom at 16, and that certainly was an awakening as to how important family really is. Prior to losing her, I was an oblivious teenager spending all my spare time with friends and boyfriend (I did end up marrying him and still am so not totally lost time). Not too long before she passed from a heartattack, she said to me "someday you may regret not spending more time with the family". And damn it, she was right as always. Well after her loss my family sort of fell apart and my much younger brother ended up moving in with me and my young budding family. I tried to raise him, but that didnt work well cause he wanted a sister, but I had to be a mother. However all has come full circle and my family has grown close again especially with the additions of my children. Nothing means more to me than my family.

    Ok sorry for my rant. I wish your mother all the best and will be praying for your family.
    Caps 2.0 Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Thanks for all the positive feedback.

    My next two articles are going to be more light-hearted. Those two articles are interviews with 80s singers. One or both should be going up this week.

    Stay tuned...
    AcousticWonder Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    I'm even more of a minority, Hoju. My family gets along great, always has, and my parents have been married for almost 30 years.
    Hoju Koolander Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Apparently I'm in the minority, but my family and I have always gotten along great. Even when my parents got divorced, still friendly. My mom has had 3 different types of cancer in the last 15 years (luckily, it's all in remission) and now my step-father's got pancreatic cancer, so I know what you're going through. Glad to hear that your getting along better with your fam. All the best.
    raph89 Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    I pray that God will be with you during this time Caps.Even though my parents get on my nerves sometimes, and I find them to be killjoys, I still love them. I love everyone in my family.
    tjnaples Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Caps, very brave to be this transparent. Thank you for such a truly touching article.
    edwin Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    My grandmother is a saint, my sister is cool but she can be completely full of shit at times and my mother, well lets just say I owe her nothing but I'm still civilized to her. I wish your mom all the best. Good luck to you both.
    Deadite Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Really brilliant article! Even though I don't have the same issues as you I do have my fair share of problems. My father was stricken with brain cancer in 1999 and he had a surgery then which put it in remission until 2007 where it came back stronger in 2007. After a year and a half with chemo treatments my father passed away in March of 2009. I know how horrible cancer is and I really hope everything works out good for you and your family. Just remember that there are several families with loved ones with cancer and that you are not alone. I will be wishing the best for you and your family. You are in my prayers.
    From,
    Deadite
    Retro Phil Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Wow Caps, I knew knew how interesting your family life was.

    Also I wish your mother luck.
    jarrod85 Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    finale a article with real depth and character. very good job.
    Crazy480sGirl Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Excellent article! My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1997 but has been cancer free now for almost 13 years=) Like your mom, my mom was a single mom as well. She has worked really hard to give my brother and me a great life. My family and I have been through some tough times together and without them I wouldn't be the person I am today. In the end, family is all we have. My prayers are with you and your family. Keep praying.
    theoutlawtorn1080 Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Out of everyone i know, my family gets on my nerves more than anyone. Our views are so different that its hard to have a conversation with them sometimes. But I would never trade any of them for anything. i love them very deeply and there is nothing i wouldnt do for any of them. Its because of our family that we have such fond retro memories. My thoughts go out to your family and i hope your mother gets better. take care.
    C-Boss Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Wonderful article.
    I've always been more toward my mom's family than my father's. Then again my father's side is full of convicts and people I prefer not to be related to.
    SlapStick77 Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Great Article...Well, to answer your question, I've always taken my family for granted. I don't really get along with my sister and i barely talk to my parents. They have always been good to me and have always pushed me to do better. They have been over protective on certain occasions but things have changed now. My family has evolved over the years. I might not be very close to them, bu I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. As for your mum, I hope she gets better. My prayers are with you and your family
    WoWAddict Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    I have a difficult family to live with. They have tried to shelter me most of my life, but that's only because they thought that was what they had to do to make sure they didn't lose me. I felt smothered so I met some people when I was going to college. Moved in with them about a year ago, and after living with people who tell me to cut my ties then leave me on my own to rot when my family always made sure they could help me. Moved back in with them few weeks ago. I dislike having to share a room with my brother, I don't like being around a stepfather that still treats me like a kid when I can act like an adult, I hate when my grandma tells me how to do things when most of the time she's been right, and I hate being jobless. I do get along with them rather well though. We've always had a strong relationship even through all the bickering we've had with each other, and I am always thankful I have the people I care about the most around me, even if they do drive me insane all the time. lol
    vladdt Posted 3 years 1 month ago
    Thumbs up, Caps. To answer your question, I'd say my family and I tolerate each other, and that's about the extent of it; we have little to nothing in common, and avoid talking to each other unless it's absolutely necessary. I don't hate my family, but I don't think I'd say I love them either. I always say you can appreciate someone and still not like them very much at all - especially when your father is Red Foreman from That 70's Show brought to life.
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