Sick Days

No school? No problem!
On
August 03, 2009


Shit, son. You've got a huge test tomorrow, and you haven't studied even the slightest. Well, since you're a genius, you realize you have two options. You can go in tomorrow and bomb the test, as your punishment for not studying...



Or you could watch that Pokémon marathon on Kids WB you always miss while you're at school!



In your pre-pubescent mind, one of these options is by far more fun than the other. So how exactly do you go about making tomorrow something to look forward to, rather than something to dread? Simple - convince everybody you're sick! Open a window and give yourself a cold, or just give 'em the ol' upset stomach routine! You wouldn't have a fever if you had diarrhea, now would ya? Of course, there are always those days when you really are sick. Sometimes so miserable, you can't even enjoy yourself at home!



Well, good news. You've successfully convinced your parents you're sick. They've called your school and left to do their own thing, and now the whole house is yours! What to do now? You could always sleep...

...But no, that's boring! You'd never be up this early on a weekend, you've gotta take advantage of it! You can always watch early morning programming on television, but that isn't always fun. Usually there's only crap on, followed by more crap. You need entertainment, dammit! Ooh, but what's this sitting in front of your television?

You've got about seven hours to yourself, you could probably beat a game if you tried. Pop in Super Mario World and see if you can destroy Bowser, maybe some Kirby Super Star and see if you can beat all "eight" games in one sitting, or continue your old EarthBound file and try to get the Sword of Kings.

But sometimes, you're just so tired, a video game is too much work. After all, you play them enough during your free time, right? Let's just open the cabinet under your TV set and...



Whoa! You've got a year's worth of entertainment right here! Sometimes just one movie will be enough to make this day worthwhile...


I'd like to say the most childish thing I did was watch the Lion King on a sick day in fifth grade...



...But that'd actually be when I watched the Lion King on a sick day in twelfth grade.


You can watch whatever you want! There's nobody else around, what's stopping you? And best of all, you have all this time to yourself. Your family's usually only in the mood to watch one movie every night, but if you want to watch the entire Star Wars or Back to the Future trilogy in one sitting...


Go ahead!


Good job! You've managed to have fun that whole school day, so much that you completely forgot about school! You hear a car pull up in front of your house... mom's home! Quick, put everything away! Turn the Super Nintendo off and make sure that VHS is back where you found it! Your mom walks in, sees you "sleeping" on the couch, "wakes you up," and asks how you're feeling. Just for kicks, you say your stomach's still hurting. That's fine, until your friend comes over... when your mom's about to tell him you're sick, suddenly you jump out of bed feeling completely better! Go have fun with your friend, come back home, eat dinner, go to bed... and suddenly, you remember that test. That dreaded test that you're going to have to make up in the morning. You wish you had just done it, you don't wanna worry about it, and you're still not ready for it. Looks like there's only one thing left to do...


What's one more day off? You've earned it!
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