Lets take a trip back to 1994. A year that was designated as the "International Year of the Family" and the "International Year of Sport" by the United Nations (ahh Wikipedia what would I do without you). Why are we traveling on our way-back machine to this magical time? Battletoads!!!! Yes my friends those lovable toads finally got their chance to shine in true arcade from. Battletoads was one of Rares earlier games and graced many systems including the NES ( one of the best looking games for the system ), Genesis, Game Gear, Amiga, and that magic machine the Amiga CD32. It was quite successful and sun off a number of sequels on other systems. Fast forward to 1994 when it was brought to arcade's in a beautiful display of violence and toadieness. Im not sure if thats a word but ill go with it since I like how it sounds.



EA how the years have changed you.


You have your choice of three playable characters. Rash who was once a human computer technician named Dave Shar before he was transformed into a Battletoad. Zitz who was once a bespectacled human computer technician named Morgan Ziegler before he was transformed. Last we have Pimple a muscular comput......... you get the idea. Not Oscar worthy stuff here but hell its an arcade game not Shindlers List. The big difference in the arcade version besides of course the better graphics of its console counterparts is the sweet sweet violence. Blood ran freely and with the use of certain attacks you could take a bad guys head right off. Decapitation of deformed cartoon animals was quite satisfying as a young child growing up.



Oh ya flex those toad pecks!


Even at that time the game reminded me of the Ninja Turtles games most notably Turtles in Time which isn't that bad considering Turtles in Time was one of the best games ever made. You could kick downed opponents off the edge and watch as they slam into the screen with a nice foot print from where you kicked them. The game also had some very nice voice overs and pretty funny mission briefing screens. You had a nice cast of baddies including your standard giant deformed rats along with overly fat pigs who are quite agile despite their size.



The Adonis of Toads


Weapons were available and added to the fun by letting you smash bad guys into pancakes. This was pretty cool and for years I thought it was an accurate depiction of what would happen if I were to be stuck with large objects on the head. This game was pretty over the top but one thing I found that made sense was that the toads ate flies to regain their health. In the various turtles games they had pizza which I only have recently come to find out does not actually replenish the health of real life turtles.



The slimy fist of justice


I suppose the chicken legs and meat on a stick that you get in games like Final Fight and the like work the same way but we all know those games aren't real. Come on a wrestler turned Mayor kicking major ass can never ever, ever, ever happen.



A false sense of reality.


Your toads are able to grab certain bad guys by the crotch and punch them into submission and is a move that only get funnier with age, just like a nice wine. Some rats throw up after being knocked to the ground before turning into a pile of bones. At the end of each level you have your standard point score with the words Korpse Kount as your tally along with various commendations for each player.



Zitz: Star Destroyer Mechanic


There are a total of six bosses in the game each with different attacks and comical taunts before each level. You have General Slaughter ( no relation to the Sergeant ) who is quite muscular and tries to gore you to death. Hmm maybe there is a relation after all. Each time you knock him out he loses some teeth and his animation gets bloodier which is a nice touch. Karnath is next with his snake like appearance and giant fangs. When he bites you enough blood squirts out of you to fill a months quota at the local blood bank. The same can bee said of Karnath when you chop of his head.



And slide 2, 3, 4... no no your doing it wrong!


You have Scuzz who piolts a giant robot rat that is quite annoying to beat and Big Blag who grows in size until you pop him. The final boss is not the Dark Queen as with other Battletoads games, but instead is Robo Manus. Its on of the coolest boss fights that I can remember simply for the fact that its pretty gruesome and bloody, at least by 1994 standards.



The only sensible reaction.


If you can find this game in one of the "many" arcade establishments id suggest a play through with some friends. You can never go wrong with amphibian on mammal violence. I leave you now with this gem I found on the internet while searching for pictures of this game since my massive arcade room is currently being sprayed for a toad infestation.